Before ERP

[Sue S]

1. Hello, Natasha,

I am just wondering if it is right approach to show my son who is 12year, OCD diagnosed your video (educate for kids)  before he attend session with NOCD? I am really worried if video can be trigger for his busy mind?  Any tips I can introduce him your video. Thank you.  Sue

[Natasha]

Hi Sue,
I don’t know your son, but in general I would think any and all education is helpful in normalizing the OCD experience.

[Sue S]

Hi Natasha,

thank you for reply. I have question here and look for your advice. Please help. My son had outburst outside barber shop today after a hair cut.  He is 12 years old with OCD, my question is should I review with him what happened after he calm down. He just say he doesn’t like the lady who cut his hair and he doesn’t like hair cut. What should I explain to him.  Do I use our logic to explain, can they accept it. Or I just leave it.  Also he has YouTube channel with 1000 subscriber. However he starts to get disappointed if no view for some of his video.  It is mental compulsions to me. He keeps ask me how to get views and very angry with me. Should I explained to him using our common sense after he calm down.  He is not learn and use any cope skills with OCD yet although he is in ERP.  Any your advice will be highly appreciated. Thank you sue

[Natasha]

Hi Sue,
Sorry to hear about his struggles. The incidents you discuss don’t seem like OCD to me on the surface although I don’t know him. Regarding his hair cut, if it was my son I’d just leave it. He probably felt overwhelmed, didn’t like the haircut and couldn’t regulate his response.

Regarding Youtube, what makes you suspect mental compulsions? It just sounds like he is perseverating on the amount of views. That isn’t generally what I would define as a mental compulsion. Here is a podcast on what mental compulsions are: https://www.anxioustoddlers.com/pure-o-and-mental-compulsions/

[Sue S]

Thank you so much for reply Natasha. It is really make sense to me. As we are very new on this journey.  Your professional insight means a lot to us.

can I also ask what should I respond if my son tell me he is sad. I imagine that there are mixture feeling of nerves, disappointment, angry, feeling different, not able to shower like others etc to create his sadness. But what should I say to him. I just don’t know as a mom. Any insight on that? Thank you so much. Sue

[Natasha]

Hi Sue,
I think it can be important to validate our kids emotions. They won’t always be happy and it is not our role to always keep them happy. You might say something like, “I’m sorry to hear you are feeling sad right now.” If you don’t know why he is sad perhaps you might add, “What is making you feel sad at this moment?” – this helps not only you understand him better, but it helps him develop some emotional intelligence. I would follow up with something like, “What helps the most when you are feeling this way?” The idea is to get him to think about behaviors/actions he can do to take care of himself when he has those feelings.

Also, if he repeatedly has to tell you he is sad and wants you to respond in a very specific way, it would be more of a red flag for a compulsion and not a true discussion.

[Sue S]

Thank you for your reply Natasha I really appreciated.

Yesterday we come up with an idea to communicate by whatsup so he can tell me why his sad.  He feels that he doesn’t like life nothing is good in life. I have never use word ‘depression’ to him. He was sobbing and tell me he is sad.  Please correct me if I said the wrong thing. I told him that keep himself busy is always good to drop the sadness. And he needs learn manage his emotions which is part of his growth.  This morning we have school refusal, although he was really enjoy school last week. I told him I know it is hard for him to be in school but this is his duty as a student. I am not available to entertain him if he is not going to school.  My husband and I feel stressed, are we too tough on him? Anything else we can say and do to help with sadness? Please advise.  Yesterday I gave him a list of feeling he choose ‘shame’ ‘exhausted’ ‘worried’ and ‘helpless’

thank you so much for listening. Appreciated any advice you have.

 

[Natasha]

Hi Sue,
Is he in therapy yet? It might be a good idea to get him assessed for depression if those are the type of things he is bringing up. When kids are having a hard time going to school I recommend focusing on their struggle and try to avoid making it about you if possible. That tends to resonate more with kids.

For example: “I know going to school is hard especially when you are down and have struggles. But the more you avoid, the bigger the struggles can grow. Sometimes the best thing we can do is use our skills to face our difficulties, not avoid them.”

[Sue S]

Hi Natasha,
<p style=”text-align: left;”>hope this message find you are well. I have a question here. I have been struggling with the feeling that my son’s OCD start to damage my marriage. My husband and I married 25 years ago, we were so close until our son starts struggle with anxiety and OCD last December.  My son is very depend on me. he thinks his dad is contaminated. My husband thinks that it is all drama. And he sometime thinks that I am trying to distance my son and him.  Meanwhile, my husband believes that I spoiled our son so he has current behavior issue related to being so demanding, clinging and rude. Honestly my son was different boy before he showing his OCD symptoms.</p>
My husband took a year career break at home to help. and end up now he becomes very moody and feeling failure and isolated from friend and society. At present, only thing he motivated to do is 3 hours gym every day. I am trying to encourage him to return to workplace in January.
I am the only incoming from the family. The financial pressure is on me, and the stress from our relationship is there too.  I am just writing to you to see if you have any advise on manage relationship while raising the kid with OCD.  How can I communicate with my husband about our son’s OCD fears and root of his behavior.
Feeling low today. I really want to save our marriage. can not believe how much OCD can change a family.   Thank you Natasha

[Natasha]

So sorry to hear about the struggles. You are not alone. Many couples find themselves in similar situations. I agree with you, it sounds like it is better for him to go back to work. When a parent is the source of contamination it can make them feel personally attacked. It can also be hard for fathers especially to see their child suffer and not know how to help the situation. This can often turn into anger, frustration and blame, but underneath that is often fear and hopelessness.

Would he be willing to listen to any podcast episodes? I can pick out ones I think would be the best for the situation you are in?

[Natasha]

Here are some podcasts that might be helpful:

Emotional contamination: (youtube video) https://youtu.be/vDxEhtticpo

Why Consequences Don’t Work on Anxiety or OCD: https://www.anxioustoddlers.com/consequences-for-anxiety-or-ocd/

The Impact of Child Anxiety and OCD on Marriages: https://www.anxioustoddlers.com/anxiety-or-ocd-on-marriages/

 

[Author]

Posts