Daughter with anxiety and OCD. Feeling overwhelmed!

[Anna R]

Sorry long post and a bit rambly!

Hi, I’m Anna and I have a nine year old daughter who I originally came searching for help with anxiety for but now the more I read, I’m starting to think she has OCD too! We are in UK.
When she was 5/6 in year R she was showing signs of anxiety, mostly not wanting to go into school and she picked up a bit of a stutter. She then started confessing to things. Usually silly things that she hadn’t even done. We thought it was a bit weird but tried not to make too much of it. The school had a canine assisted learning program which really helped and it pretty much went away. There was only the occasional “I think I might have…“ over the next couple of years.  In year 1 covid hit and we went into lock down which really hit her hard. She’s an only child so she was very isolated with home schooling and no contact with friends for the rest of the school year. We had a lot of melt downs and a lot of anger. Another lock down and home schooling in year 2 meant she spent the best part of 2 years constantly with me and my husband.                 Surprisingly it was a relatively smooth transition to junior school and year 3 and she went into school well most of the time.   In the summer of 2022 I started to see her anxiety pick up. If she was going anywhere without me, she would get stomach ache and diarrhoea. She also started needing a wee very often. When leaving the house she constantly asked if there was going to be a toilet.                                               In September 2022 she started year 4 and right from the start we had problems getting her into school in the mornings. Melt downs at home became worse. Since Christmas things have been even worse. Getting her into school is a nightmare most days. She’s developed a tick. If she’s not at home she needs a wee constantly. She won’t leave the house unless she’s done 2 poos because she doesn’t want to do one at school, she asks over and over, what if I need one at school? and she is also over wiping. This makes us late which leads to stress on my part and so a meltdown on hers. She says I love you about 20 times a day. Before school and bed and going anywhere away from me she asks over and over, what if I don’t feel well? The, I think I might have…confessions have started to creep back in. If she makes mistakes doing her maths homework she has a meltdown and says she’s stupid. She is so anxious about English lessons and thinks she’s doing badly but the teacher says she’s one of the top of the class. She’s worried that she will get told off by her teacher for something even though this is unlikely to happen as she’s a good girl and does well at school. She gets very upset and says she hates having anxiety and hates being different. It breaks my heart.                                              We went to see our GP last week to ask for help. She told us that our daughter would be rejected by CAMHS as she is not severe enough. She is going to have an assessment with the person they use who used to work for CAMHS, hopefully within the next 3 weeks. I’m hoping she will be referred for therapy but I’m not optimistic. My husband is between jobs so we don’t currently have private health insurance and I don’t hold out a lot of hope for us with the NHS!   I’m trying to watch as many videos as I can and I’ve started the how to teach your kids to crush anxiety class in order to try and help her. I’m feeling very overwhelmed and a bit hopeless.

[Natasha]

Hi Anna,
So sorry to hear about the struggles. I’m happy to support and guide you. You are describing a ton of behaviors that are red flags for OCD more than anxiety. I know money is tight, but you could always try and just get an assessment through NOCD. They do assessments virtually and in the UK. I’m not sure of the cost. you can go to http://www.treatmyocd.com to inquire.

Just from what you describe it sounds like some red flags for possibly these type of OCD themes:
Moral OCD (worrying about being a bad person)
Here is a podcast on that: https://www.anxioustoddlers.com/kids-with-moral-ocd/
Here is a youtube video for kids on that: https://youtu.be/ghvLO8gcMm8

Also, you mention the need to pee constantly. It is always good to rule out medical origins, but it can also be a red flag for sensorimotor OCD:

Here is a youtube video for kids on that: https://youtu.be/bB9uQX4TkTw
Here is one specifically on the need to pee all the time: https://youtu.be/GOq_fhRDQ0U

Overwiping is also common with OCD:
https://youtu.be/VBFIocR1txs

You could watch these videos and see what she says about them. See if they speak to her and her issues. I would think taking the OCD course would be a better option from all you shared. The approaches for anxiety are different than the approaches for OCD. You can tell Ayla that I said it is okay to switch your free course if you want to do that.

I’m happy to pick up this conversation after you watch the resources I linked and we can talk about next steps.

[Anna R]

Thank you so much for your reply Natasha. I definitely think she has anxiety as well as OCD. I think she has separation anxiety and some social anxiety and we have a lot of what if’s when we are leaving the house, especially going to school. I won the anxiety course through the raffle on the self care course so I still have the free one from on here. I’ll definitely pick the OCD course and work my way through both, and the other videos you suggested as well. I’m trying to get my daughter to sit down and watch some but she’s a bit reluctant at the moment. I’m working on it!

She doesn’t need to pee all the time when she is at home. If we don’t leave the house she doesn’t do it. Could that still be OCD related?

 

[Natasha]

Hi Anna,
Her watching videos will come in time. It can help to gamify it and have her earn points for watching a short 5 min video per day. She can cash in points for privileges and prizes?

It can help to get to the core fear of her need to pee. Often OCD will glum onto anxiety issues to make a powerful duo. For instance my daughter’s sensorimotor OCD issue around pee is the fear that she’ll have an accident in front of other people. That core fear is her social anxiety, but her compulsive checking and peeing is OCD.

What if’s can be OCD or anxiety. It is helpful to look at the content of the what if questions to assess that.

[Anna R]

Hi Natasha

Thank you, that’s really helpful.

[Author]

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